


Living in Your Letters

by Meadow Lion (Meadow_Lion)



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Angst, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-24
Updated: 2008-04-24
Packaged: 2017-10-18 05:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meadow_Lion/pseuds/Meadow%20Lion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I felt some issues from the AtWT episodes that aired on April 10 and 11 of 2008 needed to be addressed, and this brief scene set between them is how I did so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living in Your Letters

**Author's Note:**

> Ameera is present, but she's asleep, if that helps. Two passages within that could've been direct quotations are intentional paraphrases instead. [](http://lunasky.livejournal.com/profile)[**lunasky**](http://lunasky.livejournal.com/) looked over the piece for me; any mistakes are mine alone. The title is [a Dashboard Confessional song](http://www.metrolyrics.com/living-in-your-letters-lyrics-dashboard-confessional.html).

Unable to sleep, Noah doesn't toss and turn; he doesn't move. Facing away from Ameera, he lies on his side, as rigid as if the bed were halved by a board.

He can't do anything but think about how different this would be -- should be -- with Luke here. How Noah would apologize for their broken embraces by fitting himself against Luke's body like counterparts of a hinge, flexible but completely connected. How Luke would sigh, and trace the concern lining Noah's face, and offer his mouth for lazy, open kisses that would tangle them into heat and slippery friction. How they would . . .

A quick snore disrupts Ameera's breathing before it evens again. Noah exhales quietly, levering himself out of bed.

He closes the bathroom door and blinks in the glare of the light. It glints off his finger, the ring that has been rubbing his skin raw. He's been too afraid to remove it, even when he desperately wants to because it just looks so _off_. Now his right hand shoots out to lock the door and then to yank off the ring.

Instead of a pale circle beneath the metal, his skin is flushed and tender. He squints at the band.

The tension in his body splinters like a crushed bone, and he slumps to the floor staring.

Inside the band there's a rough edge, where the rushed jeweler didn't finish honing the tip of a curving "l," in the inscription that Noah hadn't requested when he'd hurriedly purchased the rings, the five words that could only have been added last-minute by the one other person who'd carried them before the wedding.

_These feelings have a name._

"Luke." Drawing his knees to his chest, he drops his head to his crossed arms. It's weak and selfish of him, but even after he realizes he's crying, for once, he doesn't try to stop. He tightens his lips over his gasped breaths and lets the tears slide.

When they stop, Noah is exhausted, his T-shirt damp and uncomfortable. Peeling it off, he splashes his face without looking in the mirror.

The ring's faint scrape as he pushes it back onto his finger feels like a question, a test of how much he can stand.

He hits the light and fumbles at the door until he remembers to unlock it. He goes for another shirt from his dresser but remembers just in time the way that drawer screeched while he filled it that afternoon, and he'd rather let Ameera sleep in peace.

His desire not to disturb Luke narrowly wins out over how badly he wants to hear his boyfriend's voice and be in his boyfriend's arms. Instead of breaking the speed limit driving to the farm when anyone could be watching, Noah grabs his phone to write a text. At first he blanks, and gives himself a mental kick. A minute later, he sends the message.

_Please, keep not giving up on me._

If he's lucky, the beep won't wake Luke, just wait for the morning. Noah gets into his side of the bed to do the same. Wrapping his right hand around his left, he holds onto his connection to Luke and eases into a dream.

  


\- end - 


End file.
